From W. E. Darwin to Emma Darwin 4 March [1869]

My dear Mother,

Thank you for your note, I am glad you had a successful stay in London. I have been trying to clear up my ideas on marriage for some little time but I find it a difficult job. [illeg] within the last year or so the pros for marriage have appeared so disproportionate to the cons that I have hardly considered the matter at all; now, however, I think the cons appear to me to about balance the pros, & therefore I am in a position to consider it on general principles without prejudice. So that the first place I must take it for granted that what is natural & tolerably universal should have the benefit of the doubt & be taken as the right & wise course to go in for. But when one considers putting it into practise, the difficulties [illeg] overwhelming. How is a man to get to know what a girl really is from meeting her at balls & parties? one sees nothing but society manners society giggles, & society ideas all entirely artificial, and made up to look well. Therefore Question No I is, is a man to go in like a Blindman's buff, & take the first that comes uppermost with about as much to guide him? Again granting one does in time get to know a girl to some extent, they all or a great majority of them turn out insipid with hardly any interest but in the most ordinary things, & none of them with any music, which would make up for a great pile of sins. Question no II is, is a man to go in just for an amiable sociable person and not much else, or to wait till he comes across something approaching his ideal, 2 judging from my experience it comes to this, is a man wise in making the best choice he has the chance of, or is it better to remain unmarried sooner than marry one but an exceptional person? Of course for simplicity's sake I omit just the practical difficulties, as they are secondary difficulties and only tend to intensify the former difficulties. I should like to know what your ideas are on these points. It appears to me in one sense a misfortune to have a set of brothers & sisters & cousins decidedly intellectually above the average; it makes one's appreciation of others [qual.] & probably too fastidious in one's ideal.

I am very glad Lizzy (I cannot stand Bessie yet) is going abroad after all it seems to suit her so well.

I want Frank to come down here for a grand fancy ball on March 30^th he can go in plain clothes & I can give him a ticket, & he can have as many or as few partners as he likes.

Your affect son | W. E. Darwin