From Emma Darwin to H. E. Darwin [7 March 1870]

My dearest Body,

I fully expect to hear that you have got all the letters W^m sent Harry's as I told him. But you shall have whatever you wish for sent you. Poor Carry's have been almost the most affecting of all—Jessie has shewn a msot generous self-forgetfulness. I will copy some of her letter to Aunt F. as I don't think I can venture to send it. There is a pathetic undercurrent of feeling in hers as if she had something to make up to Harry— I have not the least doubt about your writing to Jenny— They have said all along that their letters have been g^t comforts. I had the same feeling at once that you had, viz that Harry was sure to reproach himself in any case; but I c^d not foresee how dreadful his sufferings w^d have been. Carry said that he found comfort in their all joining in prayer read by Arthur at his wish. Also that on her return from the funeral her mother met her with an old letter from John she had found behind the glass & it felt like a message from him. It puts me in mind what disproportioned grief I felt at not having kept Annies last little letter & how I hunted for it day after day. These passages are from letters to Effie I think. Jessie says Harry did find comfort from ""a very sweet note from dear Hensleigh on that very point (viz self reproach & regrets) I read it over & over again & it did me good"". I don't believe I copied the following & then you will have had all the letter. ""I had persuaded H. not to attend the funeral, which I am certain w^d have done him serious harm, & he was thankful not to appear, so we were upstairs till all was ready & then the brothers & sisters went with Mr Tyler & Mr Gould & Ernest. It was the saddest day of our lives, & the only comfort we can yet feel is in the g^t mercy which spared Harry to us. I have hardly ever dared to let my thoughts dwell on what might have been of the desolation which has been spared us. It is quite wonderful that his health has not suffered. He sleeps tolerably & has rather more appetite than usual, owing to the exhaustion of grief I believe.""

Letter to A^t F. is almost the same as mine. ""Dear Helen's sweetness to him & strongly expressed affection did soothe him very much; & her telling him that she alone knew how much John loved him""  ""Their love was indeed the sweetest bond that ever united a father & son. They so thoroughly appreciated each others charming qualities & suited each other so exactly that every hour they spent together was a happiness to them. They were a pair of friends as well as father & son & what a blank that wretched day has left in our existence. Helen was in a terribly excited state talking incessantly of him from m^g to night & constantly addressing him. The D^r saw her many times a day & was very uneasy about her but I have had a better acc^t I am thankful to say""— ""My only comfort is in feeling that I am some support to Harry & the rest of my life shall be spent in trying to make up in some degree for what he has lost—""

Now about your given up scheme I think it may make you regret it a little less to hear that tho' G. said it w^d be v. pleasant having you at Florence & I am sure felt it, I think his real inclination is to travel by himself this time when he has but a short time to spend & wants to get all out of it that he can— I perceive this now or I w^d have told you  He is going on to Venice & that w^d have been a pang to give up— Since poor John's death I feel rather nervous about you too & shall be very glad when you are turning homewards; but I am not at all for your returning till we are pretty warm here—say the end of April— Today we have a deep snow & therm. 25 again. I quite agree that the Nortons being at Florence makes it more aggravating but you busy & they engaged w^d not have seen v. m. of each other.

F. is nicely set up w. our visit  Bessy is going to write news to you tomorrow or so—

I had no idea before that the manner of a death c^d make it so m. more terrible; but it certainly does & even with my unimaginative sort of mind that scene on the river kept rising before me for many days & nights. Of course you will not mind about mourning.

Poor Eliz came up to us on the Monday & could not help crying all the time till evening.

Goodbye my dearest | yours E. D.

no doubt F. will send the M. S. by the Grand Vitesse. Your letter just come—⁠⟨⁠⁠⟨⁠I⁠⟩⁠⁠⟩⁠ think Hope wrote you most fully. I am glad you have got Uncle H— I have no doubt about mourning being useless— I send on Jenny's w-out doubt—