To Emma Darwin   [18 April 1851]

4 oclock. There is no material change, but she appears much prostrated.— I will send another line before Post closes, if I see D^r. Gully—

12. oclock. I have left a space above for last account.—¹ D^r. Gully slept here last night & is most kind.— After I wrote her pulse ceased to intermit & that encouraged D^r. Gully a little: before that, when I wrote he did not think she w^d. last out the night.— To day, he says she is no worse, & at present (12) this is the best which can be said. She does not suffer thank God.— It is much bitterer & harder to bear than I expected— Your note made me cry much—but I must not give way & can avoid doing so, by not thinking about her. It is now from hour to hour a struggle between life & death. God only knows the issue. She has been very quiet all morning, but vomited badly at 6 ^A.M. which, however bad, shows she has more vital force than during two previous days. Sometimes D^r. G. exclaims she will get through the struggle; then, I see, he doubts.— Oh my own it is very bitter indeed.— God preserve & cherish you.— Her one good point is her pulse, now regular & not very weak, excepting for this there would be no hope. We give her spoonfuls of gruel with brandy every half hour.—

1 oclock. The D^r. repeats what he said, “she is not worse”:—3 oclock,— she keeps the same, quite easy, but I grieve to say she has vomited a large quantity of bright green fluid.— Her case seems to me an exaggerated one of my Maer illness.—² We must hope against hope.

My own poor dear unhappy wife | C. D.