From Ellen Hutchins to Dawson Turner   12 Jul 1813

June 12

My dear Sir,

When your last letter reached Ballylickey I was not at home having been obliged to take a little journey to obtain medical advice for My Mother & my self. We have both been in a very bad state. She is very weak & has lately had some very alarming symptoms of loss of memory from which she has recovered & is just now in a better state than I could have expected, but she requires constant care & to be watched incessantly. I am rather better than before I left home, but I have lately become so nervous & tremble so I can hardly write. No person suffering under the various & complicated mental miseries that I have to distract me could be otherwise. My situation is one of uncommon misery. I look round me & see no person so surrounded with troubles, but why my dear Sir, should I trouble you with my sufferings when I cannot explain my story. I will only say that some disputes in my family have for years oppressed my spirits & broken my heart. From what I have now said you may judge how ill able I am to write or to do any thing. At this moment the pen is ready to fall from my fingers & my head feels as if sharp knives were darting thro’ it & yet I am much better. I feel very anxious to know some thing of Mrs Turner, & every day hope for a line to say that she is safe & well. The principal object of my writing at this time is to ask how she is, & I beg you will not delay to write to me. Indeed I hope to hear even before this letter reaches you & when the post comes in I look for a letter tho’ I have but little time to think of you or any of my friends. Tell me what you are doing this year & where you will go to. I hope you will not come to Ireland this year. I should not be able to enjoy you. It would be a great mortification to have you in the country at a time when perhaps I should not be able to raise my head to look at you. I do nothing in any way. The Doctor says I must not read in my present situation, even if he had not forbidden me I should not open a book. My mind is so uneasy I could not read. Rokeby has lain unopened this month past on my table. My dear Sir I will say no more. I have already said too much, & only beg you once more to say how Mrs. T. is, & if you are all well & happy and always to believe me in all circumstances of happiness or sorrow, your obliged & affectionate friend

E. Hutchins.

Ballylickey

June 12th 1813