From Ellen Hutchins to Dawson Turner   11 Oct 1813

My dear sir

You have been very near losing your troublesome friend. I have narrowly escaped dying. After being weakened by repeated bilious attacks succeeding each other so quickly that I had not time to recover strength I was seized with inflammation. When the fever left me I lay for many days & nights in so weak a state as to be only just sensible of existence. I can now get across the room without help & though weak & greatly reduced everyday gaining strength, though not so fast as I ought the Doctor says. I shall be weak for a long time. I am unable to read or amuse myself in any way. I try but my head & eyes are so weak I can't look at anything. If you saw me you would think it's strange that I should attempt to hold a pen, but as you know I have been very ill this long time past & as I am pretty sensible of your regard for me I could not defer telling you I am alive, & out of danger unless I am again attacked. In this case I think I can have no chance, but I trust I am always ready to leave the world. I should have a few regrets at leaving those I love and those who want my care, but thank God I have no reason to fear death. I trust my life has been one of innocence, it has surely been one of suffering both bodily & mental. Yet I have had my pleasures too & enjoyed them perhaps too much. I mean to say so far as makes enjoyment pain, for I have such nerves I am never at rest. My good physician says he never saw anything like me or health so affected by mind. With my nervous sensibility I have no chance I think of much good health. But though so weak in nerves my mind is strong & I can endure pain and sufferings that other women would sink under. The Doctor says I have suffered as much pain since I came here as would kill him four times over & that I am the most patient sufferer he has seen & have much self command. I have troubled you with a long history but I think you like to know me & I write freely to you under the full persuasion of your kind feelings towards me. I am unable to answer your letter much as I wish it. Write to me, tell me you are well & happy. How is my little child & the little boy. Did you get a letter through Lord Gosford with fructifications of J. Lyelli for your friend.

I am quite overcome by writing so much. You may judge I am weak when I am not yet cool enough to take broth or anything but cold whey and bits of hard biscuit.

Yours ever

EH

Bandon

October 11th 1813

direct to Ballylickey

I have opened this, to ask you if the fellow traveller of Lord Byron has not published Travels in Albania etc & ask you if they are good. If so I wish to get them for amusement for winter. Tell me pray of anything fit for me, I am very fond of travels. The Doctor has just been with me, he does not like me today & said ill as you are you have been writing letters but that you would do if you were dying. I have been ever accustomed to make exertion under suffering & to write & do things that most people would not attempt, so that from habit I can do much when I am very ill. I never give up when I can help it, if I had done so I should never have been able to do anything.