To John Tyndall, Snr   Thursday night. Dec. 17, 1841.

Kinsale, Thursday night. Dec. 17, 1841.

My dear Father

I believe I was born for disappointment. All my long cherished hopes relative to going home at Christmas are now blasted. This day gave the final stroke to my expectations. I was fed up with the hope of getting away without the least hesitation and until yesterday I had not the least reason to believe that my hope was illfounded. This makes my disappointment the more severe. Yesterday morning the division Clerk¹ told me that Sergt Carey had received a letter from Major Waters in which he stated that in the event of any man applying for leave at Christmas he would not grant it. I then went in to Carey to know the truth of the matter myself. He confirmed all I had heard before. I represented the way I was circumstanced – told him I had everything arranged, that I had business which concerned me deeply to transact, and that any disappointment might be of lasting injury to me. In fact I said all that could be said on the subject. He then told me that if I wrote a letter to him requesting a fortnight’s leave he would forward it to Major Waters. I thanked him for even this small favour. Came home and wrote the letter. Well, this morning I think the Sappers, that is the noncommissioned officers, had a consultation about the matter as one of them came in and told me that Serjeant Carey did not wish to forward my application, that he would much prefer my deferring it until the County Cork would be finished, and moreover that there was not the slightest chance of success even if the application was sent as he would have to let the Major know that I could not be spared. ‘Well’ said I, ‘he can do nothing more than refuse me, so I would wish to have the application sent’. Carey then got it for his perusal, the result was that he said it would not do at all. Now I had shewed the thing to men of ability and experience beforehand, and their opinion was that it could not be better suited to the purpose it was designed for. But no matter for that, I should remodel it according to the views of my masters. This would couch the thing in such terms as would preclude any possibility of success, the very point on which I depended most being expunged from my original request. After a moments consideration I tore the thing up and threw it in the fire. This is the fruit of my being held under the Superintendence of such fellows. No matter – grumbling would do me more harm than good so I must pocket my resentment.

Major Waters says that every man must be out of Ireland by the 31st of March;² this is the reason of my detention as the work is in a very backward state. But if my application had been sent off when I first made it I’m quite sure I would not have been refused. I may bite my lip in vexation that’s all the good it will do me.

The motive, next to that of seeing you, which made me anxious to get home was the hope that we might make interest enough to get me a situation. This being now out of the question, everything devolves on yourself. I hope you wont let the opportunity when the Colonel³ is at home pass unimproved. If you do, such another may never present itself. He can do wonders and I am sure you have a good many friends who have great influence with him, You know the two situations which I look to. Good bye

Your affectionate son | John

RI MS JT/1/10/3259

LT Transcript only