From Thomas Archer Hirst   Sunday evening | Novr 25th 1849

Halifax Sunday evening | Novr 25th 1849

My dear ‘Tom’ (as you have thought [proper to] rechristen the man John Tyndall)1

Your travels have duly appeared in the Chronicle2 & have been truly enjoyed by the namesake of the ‘traveller’.3 Would that his empirical self more truly resembled this delineation of the best parts of us both – But why you foolish man straitened & poverty stricken as you are why did you send that to the Preston Chronicle? I could have got you something handsome for that manuscript. Don’t you do so any more – And this reminds me of that immense loan4 that you make such fuss about as if I were about to invest in your hands my eternal as well as temporal welfare or even any part of the latter. I’ve not so much to spare as all that; besides the quantity I swallow, there will be a little purse which I wish you quietly to appropriate for your convenience inasmuch as I shall consider it the most satisfactory way of employing it & ‘by George’ if you don’t take it without any more fuss or word of thanks or any thing else you shall not have it at all, I’ll throw it into the streets instead or do some other rash act. I shall send you £20 as it is all I dare spare or trust you with. more all at once would make you [frisky]. I have taken duly into consideration all my wants & made ample allowances for them so don’t be afraid, I can spare £5 as soon as you will write & tell me to whom I am to pay it here, the rest in January – Now tell me whether so little will do you any good, if the time is convenient, if not I can alter it, it makes little difference to me & finally to whom I am to forward it. I have not the slightest idea how to convey £ s.d5 to the Continent or I should have spared myself the trouble of filling this page with such unnecessary remarks by quietly enclosing the amount. However you see the nature of the case & are not quite destitute of common sense, so as we say in Yorkshire ‘Shut up’

Now Letter for letter No 2 – by far the more acceptable although it does give me a rub down. Advice is allways welcome Tyndall especially when it corresponds to the dictates of your own heart, & an error now & then even if it did but call forth the utterances of such didactic maxims I should think almost justifiable, but in this case I gave you fair warning I told you I was enthusiastic, & I don’t regret it Your illustrated Igrdrasil6 is beautiful [is] interesting but somehow it don’t hit my nail on the head. I’m not discontented. In my moments of high hope (enthusiasm if you like) which I would have recur more often, I see but a point to which I may reach & that also by decomposing CO2. You who are so very apt in your chemical & mathematical & Botanical allusions, illustrating intuitive feelings by Parkside Curves7 & Goethes8 profundity by infusible Platinum may also find one for this truth That the attainment of excellence of any sort worth the attaining, was ever accompanied & inspired by pure moments of exalted hope & longing – Have you not had such moments yourself? & would you not rather suffer what may be called a slight shock on once more touching Earth than forfeit the expansive vision & the refined atmosphere that your ride in the balloon of Hope rewards you with?

I know full well in principle that I must be my own guide my own parson, confessor & adviser in this world Tyndall but the remarks of your letter surprised me inasmuch as they discovered to me a great discrepancy in my action. I have relied on your Authority I have & do still put great trust in your word & advice: but why? because you have appealed to myself that advice has hitherto proved most acceptable to my own heart & I have followed it & will follow it God willing in the teeth of all consequences. But there is just this one chance that I might appropriate something true & honest to yourself, yet not to me in my different sphere, & putting faith merely in the former existing sympathy, appropriate something unquestioned, & this might draw on a flood of circumstances & consequences in which though you might swim I should undoubtedly sink from the fact that I had trusted to your ability to save us both – from thinking that your heart was worth more to me than my own. I see plainly the responsibility you would throw off & under which in such a case you would place yourself – Duty calls me decidedly to release you & I do it willingly though with some traces of sorrow. It is natural to long for a staff on which to lean, a back on which to throw the excess of weight you groan under & it is [wise] that it is so, the time does come when you feel inwardly that your own legs may possibly be able to bear your own weight but at first you hesitate, like a baby learning to walk – to make the attempt, to trust their unknown strength. Tis, thus I am at present I feel inwardly that I [am] the best authority to myself, I feel that everything truly worthy that I can call my own is my own attainment But there come dark moments Tyndall when I would give the world for some support & like Peter the less faith I have the more I fear to sink & the more I cry for help.9 I tremble at times at the responsibility of myself, that I a youth of 19 should disclaim all outward guide & authority, Both Priest Bible, & carve out my own path, amid the shrieks & warnings of older heads than mine who warn me that I am on the high road to perdition If my own heart be the veritable map, would that I had more faith in it, or could decipher it more readily If you cannot point the road Tyndall you can at least strengthen that faith without disobeying your love of Duty If you cannot decipher this map for me, Oh tell me convince me without fear of repetition that it is at least decipherable & when done so to be relied on.

My Last10 was a letter of joy [in] exultation this of doubt & fear I grumble not at either, they are necessary stages of my progress, this I believe though cannot see – I was bred up in the belief of my parents & Oh now that I view it as a thing not mine it looks a treasure thrown away. Compared with these rags I wear this coat so full of holes how warm & comfortable seems that boyish jacket. I half mourn my stature & blame myself for growing when I see I cannot wear it now. This religion of my Fathers once I threw it off, I fancy now too hastily, it calls to me with a voice more plaintive more attractive now. I must listen to its appeal – I see another period of trial yet in store for me nay it has already come the contest will be fiercer than before, the result more lasting –

I will write again, for I do not yet plainly see my course. One thing I would fain preserve unquestioned I will [strive] to do, but it also will be tested sorely I mean this capability of myself. Did not the Almighty Maker of all, when he planted this reason of mine – this distrust in myself, give me also a support. True he has given me a desire that prompts obedience & a heart to obey, but has he not also placed in me this distrust, is it then without an object? You will understand me I feel sure & will show me some light if you can do so with comfort to yourself; if not why leave me to myself or what is the same tell me it must be so –

2 scraps accompany this

<Handwritten enclosures missing; LT Transcript only henceforth>

I have once said11 ‘I admit in principle that all trust is due only to myself’, and yet I do not only feel so, this ‘pale cast of thought’ has ‘sicklied o’er’12 this truth I thought so firm and stable, I have laid aside my book and sit for hours to gaze on nothing, my eye turned inwards but with no satisfaction. Just at this time I have met a man of comprehensive mind, one that has tested these things ably, has doubted, thrown aside & at last accepted once again his orthodoxy. Is there not something suggestive here? I will trust no more to him than I would to any other human authority but the belief that has called him back must surely possess some force and true significance and must not be dealt with lightly. I refer to Hutchinson, a man you know something of – it was only last night we were engaged in conversation, for 4 hours debated earnestly. He is a man before whom you must throw off all deceit and mere appearance, he did not treat me with assumed superiority nor quench a thought by pure conventionality. He met me on my own ground with all the sincerity and honesty I could wish for. Coming on me whilst in such a state it is useless to deny he made a vast impression, not conviction though. As ‘Christel’ thought of ‘Tom’13 I thought of him, that he seems to feel the solid ground under him, while in my staggering walk I seem to tread on insecurity. As I said before, the matter has not been sufficiently tested by me yet, it will be done. I hope for strength and honesty, fearless of all consequences I enter on the struggle, the result and mode of combat you shall some time know. One thing we both agreed upon this purification and putting under abeyance our grosser nature, without this we can see nothing truly and will always be diffracted. ‘Tis easy said all this, but devilish hard to do. The more we strive against temptations the more they pull, the more we shun the world the more overtures it makes. This fair exterior we shew the world covers sins as black as hell, Tyndall – the blacker the more we look at them. I have felt moments of real misery to think there are passages of my life I shun to bring to light, I have felt it many a time when with yourself and amidst that confidence we feel in each other’s presence, those heart revealings, I have stopped, and half feared you would see the cloud gathering over my countenance at the memory of deeds I’ve done, which even you must never know. I’m not a murderer or a thief, although I use these accents of solemnity. The world would judge me lightly, would soon acquit me with a verdict for myself. Not so this higher tribunal within me. Before it I am cast down with shame, Tyndall, and see but one method of escape and comfort – the future, and by Heaven! if strength and life is given me it shall make some retribution.

Remember me kindly to Frankland. I received his Dissertation,14 for which I thank him, & wish you to convey such to him for me. How is yours coming on?15 You wanted to have done with writing for 6 weeks16 – at the end of that time I shall expect to hear from you. Jemmy17 desires to be remembered. He will write soon. Not being ready at present, this letter comes alone. Ada18 often comes in to see me. I have never delivered your kiss yet:19 I am too bashful & she is getting too big to be kissed with impunity by strange gentlemen. Mrs Wright is suffering from toothache and Mr Wright’s excesses just now. I believe the poor woman is miserable sometimes. Alfred20 is with a chemist in Leeds. The lad has some good in him, inclined to be rather gay though; he wants to come home again. I think he had better not, from all accounts.

But good-bye for the present. | Yours affectionately, | T. Hirst.

Mr Tyndall – | Care of Professor Bunsen | Marburg | Hesse Cassel | Germany

RI MS JT/1/HTYP/44-47

RI MS JT/1/H/141

as you have thought proper to rechristen the man John Tyndall: Louisa Tyndall annotation: ‘this alludes to a story by Tyndall in Chronicle, where ‘Tom’ is the hero’.

the Chronicle: the Preston Chronicle.

Your Travels have … namesake of the ‘traveller.’: as Louisa Tyndall notes at the top of this letter, Tyndall had published an article (under the pseudonym ‘Wat Ripton’) about his experiences in Europe in which he named the traveller ‘Tom’. W. Ripton, ‘The Sisters of the Rhine’, Preston Chronicle, 24 November 1849, p. 3.

immense loan: Hirst had recently offered to loan Tyndall part of the inheritance he received upon his mother’s death; see letter 0382.

£ s.d.: pounds, shillings, and pence.

Your illustrated Igrdrasil: Yggdrasil is a tree from Norse mythology; see letter 0387.

Parkside Curves: not identified.

Goethe’s: see letter 0386 for discussion of Tyndall’s translation of Faust.

like Peter … I cry for help: a reference to the Apostle Peter’s fear as he began to walk on water to meet Jesus, who was already walking on water. See Matthew 14:22-33.

My Last: possibly letter 0386.

I have once said: Louisa Tyndall annotation: ‘Scrap 1 continuing H. Let. Nov. 25/49’.

‘I admit in principle …’sicklied o’er’: source of quotes not identified.

‘Christel’ thought of ‘Tom’: a reference to the Preston Chronicle article in n. 3.

his Dissertation: Frankland’s doctoral dissertation at the University of Marburg discussed, among other chemical reactions, the isolation of ethyl (ODNB). Frankland was awarded the PhD in July 1849.

How is yours coming on?: Tyndall’s dissertation at the University of Marburg focused on the mathematical properties of screw surfaces.

done with writing for 6 weeks: see letter 0387.

Jemmy: James Craven.

Ada: Ada Piercy.

never delivered your kiss yet: see letter 0384.

Alfred: Alfred Wright, son of Mr. and Mrs. Wright, biographical details not identified; Tyndall asked Hirst to speak with Alfred in letter 0384.

Please cite as “Tyndall0388,” in Ɛpsilon: The John Tyndall Collection accessed on 28 March 2024, https://epsilon.ac.uk/view/tyndall/letters/Tyndall0388