To Anne Edmondson¹

Dear Madam,

The note² with which you have favoured me is doubtless the natural result of your manner of viewing the subject; but an object may change its aspect by changing the point of view, and hence the only way of forming a correct judgment seems to be to walk round the object and view it upon all sides. Might I beg your kind attention to the following statement of the manner in which I have acted throughout this affair; it will be interspersed here and there with my present impressions as to the said manner of action.

On thursday I went into the dining room, M^r Wright³ was at the fire, he turned towards me and said ‘you have not invited Battersby, he also is a farmer’.⁴ I thanked him for reminding me of it and indeed it gave me the most lively gratification to be able to shew a kindness to so good a boy. I believe I threw this feeling into my invitation, for joy beamed from the youth’s countenance, and certainly found a reflexion in my own breast. I heard nothing more of the matter until 7 oC. that evening when I came down stairs in good spirits and prepared to enter upon the provided amusements with cheerfulness, when I noticed Battersby undressed. I asked him the cause, and he replied that George William⁵ had been sent down to say that he was not to go. The tears rose to the boy’s eyes as he spoke to me; I told him that the fault was mine, that I had mistaken your wishes, and expressed less sorrow at the circumstance than I really felt. I have been accustomed to regard boys of his years as beings possessed of feelings, and Battersby peculiarly so from natural temperament, and I must confess that at that particular moment the prohibition appeared to me to savour of something like cruelty. I went up stairs to M^r Edmondson and learned from him that you had so arranged the matter. I did not then decide upon my own course of conduct, but the more I thought of the matter the less sympathy I felt with the festivity, and at the end I knew it would be a mockery for me to join in it, for I could neither enjoy it myself nor contribute to the enjoyment of others. This, and not any sudden act of anger upon my part, was the cause of my absenting myself. George William came to me at 9 oC. The substance of his communication so far as I recollect it was that Battersby did not belong to N^o 9, that you meant to restrict the invitation to N^o 9 and that furthermore you had invited a German Lady⁶ and expected when you did so that you would have somebody to speak to her. I should have been very glad indeed to have entertained your guest, but under the circumstances I felt my inability to do so in a proper manner, and therefore thought it better not to make the attempt.

I believed, and still believe, that it would have been not only kind but politic to have admitted Battersby; it must also be borne in mind that I was totally ignorant of the circumstance that the boys were to have a feast also, and did not learn until the afternoon of the next day. True M^r Edmondson said to me that Battersby was intended to come in with another party, but his communication was so brief that I actually understood him to mean that the boy would be admitted at a later hour in the evening. Had George William been entrusted with the simple message that Battersby had permission to come I should have gladly accompanied him; as it was, I should have considered enjoyment or gaiety a reproach to me. Even had the true state of the matter been explained to me in time, I might have contrived to let Battersby down softly and thus spare him a painful disappointment; but nothing of the kind was done and I acted upon the knowledge which I possessed.

I would submit it to any court of etiquette in the world whether in thus deporting myself I acted an uncourteous part. Sure I am that every man who still retains so much of his boyhood as to enable him to enter into and sympathize with the feelings of a boy will acquit me of any such charge – sure I am that every mother who pictures her boy far from home and similarly circumstanced to Battersby will pronounce me ‘not guilty’. Were the case simply as stated in your note – did I feel it to be so – that I had acted uncourteously towards you for correcting an error into which I had fallen, I should undoubtedly cover my head with the ashes of repentance.⁷ But whatever you may think of me now while your feelings are alive on the subject, I fearlessly appeal to your future self to say whether my act has been one of rudeness to yourself or of sympathy with the wounded feelings of a most superior boy.

Furthermore, my dear Madam, I apprehend that we should differ in our definitions of courtesy. My courtesy must be a free act; if it be demanded there is a law of my constitution which compels me to refuse it. Courtesy is a sweet and graceful flower, I love it and acknowledge its high significance; in fact my respect for it is too high to permit of my substituting a blossom shaped by the scissors in its stead. With some people a demand for outward respect may have a certain value, as forming a barrier against vulgar impertinence, indeed I have been compelled to resort to it in certain cases myself. But there are vast distinctions to be made here. Allow the man of natural courtesy and gentleness his freedom, trust him with his liberty, and his courtesy will shine through every act of his life; but once appear to demand this from him, and at the risque of appearing rude he will reject the moral serfdom implied by such a demand. I dont know any subject which requires nicer powers of discrimination than this, and it has been my lot to witness many mournful mistakes made in connexion with it

I know you are unaccustomed to such writing as this, and I am also unaccustomed to it – yet I feel no difficulty in writing. I believe you will blame me for having written it; but as I before stated, I appeal to your future, not to your present self, for a verdict. And what is implied in this appeal? There is an honest free admiration of you in many respects implied in it – the admiration of a man who while he expresses his belief in your natural nobleness and intrinsic soundness of heart as not afraid to tell you that he firmly dissents from many of your acquired notions.

I remain dear Madam | your obedient Servant | John Tyndall

RI MS JT/2/6/81–85

JT Transcript