From Margaret Allen   Sunday Eveng. July 4thh /53

Sunday Eveng. July 4^th /53.

Dear Tyndall

I feel your kind consideration very deeply & my sympathies are also awakened concerning the present state of your health. I am well able to feel for you; I have been suffering almost to distraction with my head, but have found considerable relief from the application of Leeches,¹ from one anxiety and another my mind has been reduced almost to a state of inability yet I am still working resolutely.

You will think I have taken your advice, when you learn that I have not yet seen Robert,² prudential motives could alone influence such a state of circumstance. it was also Roberts proposition that I should remain here until he procu[res] a situation. I received a note³ from him a few days ago, with the information that he had rec^d a letter from Southampton directing him to proceed to Londonderry,⁴ and report there to Capt. Leach,⁵ having been appointed by Leut. Col. Hall,⁶ that he had to correspond with Major [Tanster]⁷ as to Southampton, but that I should hear very shortly from him again. I am now expecting the letter any post. I suppose the appointment will not be very remunerative but it will be a beginning – I am afraid there is not much chance of rising in the Profession under the Government but I may judge wrongly. I hope he will be actively employed and I wish we were somewhat settled. You will not be surprized when I tell you I have much to [undergo], but I am not fearful regarding the future, tho’ some may think I have everything to dread. My burden is not made an iota lighter by the actions of them by whom I am [surrounded], instead of busying my mind with something like hope or even a good wish, I have to combat all kinds of gloomy assertions, visions of future wrath, even to the want of a friendly look of recognition on the part of those who ought to possess a natural affinity if even the milk of human kindness is scarce in the bread.⁸ I am writing plainly for when I write to you I feel I address a beloved Brother and between true friends there can be no misunderstanding, nor any need for apologies. I have learned & passed through much during the past three years; have [1 word illeg] solid worth depreciated, and vanity and outward show flattened, but disappointment does not always [engraft] the lesson which it is intended it should teach upon the mind, nor will people be benefited even by bitter experience. But I shall not sacrifice my happiness at the altar of mere expediency nor to gratify the ambition nor please them whim of some of my would-be-friends. If I leave home under such circumstances as alluded to, I trust a strong mind will hear me conquer through, even though sent [Hagar]-like⁹ into the wilderness. Thank Heaven my desires are written comforts, I want no luxuries, at least those things which many esteem such; I can purchase some at a cheaper rate, and of a more enduring quality; there is that which it is not in the power of the human to wrench from our grasp. If ever I have to become practical, I do not fear the result; and if I leave this house with a tear it will not be for my position, but that our poor Nature is become so selfish, and is so much belied.

I need not write any more on this subject, I do not wish to be cowardly, and trust that a proper consideration will mark all my proceedings. If you can write to me, my best friend, ere you leave for the Fatherland¹⁰ do so, I shall often think of you and trust you will employ the greatest part of the time you are about for the purpose of recruiting your shattered health; do not study and make your self even worse; do take some little ease, or I shall not be pleased with you.

I have sent you a little memento which I believe you will not deem unworthy of your acceptance, a blade of Grass from the grave of William Wordsworth¹¹ such is the only epitaph on a plain black headstone in the churchyard of Grasmere,¹² no date, nor anything to indicate the great man lies here. I restrained that the tear at the grave of him, whose musings have often cheered the gloomy hour, and kneeling on the sacred spot I vowed my life should be more natural, and thus more holy for the Future. I actually walked 30 miles on that day, it was a time of perfect enjoyment which I shall never forget.

If I hear nothing very particular from Robert I shall probably be in Blackburn¹³ on Thursday, or visit to M^r. Heywoods¹⁴ for a few days, perhaps you will address for me there. [1 word illeg] I hope to hear something of you when away, I trust you will return fully restored, more vigorous in mind, and body, Ever believe me –

Yours sincerely | Mrs Allen

RI MS JT/1/A/72