From Margaret Allen   March 4th/54

Stanley Terrace, Preston | March 4^th/54.

My dear John,

I can indeed just imagine you smiling & saying ‘now my dear girl what do you want the money for’ – but first I feel rather annoyed that I have permitted myself to trespass on your kindness to me, & under the circumstances wh. you have related,¹ I could not feel myself justified in receiving a portion of that which I know you have earned by the greatest industry. However be warned that even if you had said ‘Gretchen,² I will not let you have my money!’– my opinion would not have changed one iota, it would take much, infinitely more, to eradicate my sentiments concerning you – & I trust in whatever I write to you, I shall always receive your best counsel. – Now if I relate a few of the many thoughts wh. have & do still occupy my mind you must judge leniently wh. I am confident you will. Now for instance you know my position³ even with those nearest to me is peculiarly trying, certainly my dependency is very ‘natural’; as every woman I suppose must be dependent in one sense or another – but could you not imagine, that I had a spirit, & a will, to raise myself from this I was thinking, degradation wh. I may say I have plunged myself into! – Could you not imagine my mind filled with the feeling of working for & supplying myself with suitable means. My meaning you thus see, concerning the fetters of society wh. are thrown around me. You would not wish me to banish every independent feeling, would you? – I am sure not; then, consider the difference, between a daughter before her marriage at home, & one returning to her fathers house when it might be considered she had secured a home; – it is easy to write, ‘tis easy to talk; but the feelings are worked upon & it is not easy to endure. Thus, I have thought if I could study my French or German a little more – I might be enabled to take a private situation – here again many things intervene. However it may not always be thus. If you think I should banish every such thought I shall obey you, though against my inclination. I can scarcely write to you without making myself a very woman, for the tears will not keep back. You see if I almost want a penny I have to ask for anything I require I am told to ask Papa⁴ – & though I am fully assured I am far from what may be called extravagant in my desires, I feel my position, you would not like it, now I am sure you could not endure it. I never was calmer than when I wrote that last letter,⁵ to you, you judge me wrongly though I am proud of your having given me a knowledge of your thoughts concerning me. – I am still willing to suffer – but I shall study & drown every other feeling as [soon] as I possibly can, & though that which I shall thus gain may never be of any but private note – I think I shall have the gratification of feeling that I live above the low associations & mental [mischief] of those with whom I am surrounded – Your striving & resignation to your lot teaches me an impressive lesson – even write to me thus, I shall be repaid for all I have passed through. – Be careful of yourself for a letter’s [sake] – Write to me soon, & be assured you will ever receive the devotion of a Sister from

Yours Gretchen⁶

RI MS JT/1/A/76