WCP1273

Oct[obe]^r 10 [1845]¹

Dearest Mamma

I have been very ill so that I missed the last mail — my illness has been partly worry about the Gent² named in a former letter whom I have now finally declined as I could not feel that love I think every man is entitled to accept expect from a woman who agrees to take him for better & for worse — however this is [1 word illeg. struck through] ^now over and I shall soon now recover my usual serenity of mind which is necessary to health as well as comfort. I shall always maintain a respect [2] for Mr Lloyd for his Gentlemanly conduct in the affair, and He says anything he can do to serve me or any of my family he shall be happy to exert himself on their behalf in any way — a man who was my relative could not say more than this; Indeed I must in gratitude acknowledge the many kindnesses I have received both from the Americans and others connected with them. Therefore when writing to my friends in England I must speak as I have found tho[ugh] as a nation I uphold my own — which is natural to us — and it is equally natural & praise worthy They should uphold their new Country — I am not a prejudiced person nor ever shall be, I have been in various Countries[,] mixed in the best society of each — and have come to this conclusion that in all there is much to admire and much to condemn — but it is not for me ^{(a frail mortal)} to be their Judge! "I hope God will as freely forgive my trespasses as I do those who have trespassed against me[.]"³ This is my feeling as a true Christian and I trust I shall ever maintain this principle. I hope John⁴ will come over with Herbert,⁵ all my friends will be yours[.] — They all treat me as their own family & never have deviated from the day I arrived at Montgomery⁶ to the present moment. I cannot speak by Experience of their fickle character. I enter my New school the 25^th Jan[uar]y 1846. I am perfectly satisfied to be teacher[,] I have no ambition to be Mistress there, every one there must be one soon. I shall look forward dear Mother to Building a comfortable house for you here — or if John will not come out. I must return to You[.] do not grieve too much for those that are gone⁷ — but think of being a comfort for those that are left who are still spared to you — tell Herbert to be a good boy & we will send for him [3] soon, I hope brighter days are in store for us all and if my Uncle & Aunt⁸ in Australia get on I think we may recover part of our property⁹ — which will make us all rather more independent, tho' the possession of Thousands would never alter my disposition, I should only feel a greater burden laid on me, feeling that I could not do enough good with it — I ought not however ^to put too much confidence in my own strength — Tho' I do not Expect I shall be so tried as it is not probable I shall ever possess more than sufficient for bodily comfort, reserving I hope (out of ever so little) something for charitable purposes — In my mind sometimes I aim too high, I wish I possessed a fairy Wand which could Emancipate all the Slavery — Then Prudence "bids me look into her image Glass" when I see them all rising against their Masters (the Whites in general) without reserve[.] even the kind hearted masters fall in this great slaughter." Vain are we mortals always aiming at a height we seldom reach — and if we do — we fail in our the grand point[?] we had in view!¹⁰

Now I must away with fairy visions and sit myself quietly down among mere mortals for many months, with the usual variation of the summer holidays[.]

Farewell Mother — Farewell Brothers three¹¹ — may we all meet again 'ere many years are o'er is the ardent prayer of your

affectionate | Fanny¹²

Dec^r 10^th

1845