WCP2470

[1]¹

Las Cruces.

New Mexico.

U.S.A.

Sept[ember]. 23^rd 24^th. 1893.

My dear Dr Wallace.

Your very welcome letter came this morning. As you will have seen from a printed notice I sent you, the greatest of possible misfortunes has happened to me. When a man speaks of his wife as his "better half", it is usually a form of speech, but I feel as if my better half was indeed taken away from me, and scarcely know how the other half can work to any purpose until they are reunited.

Looking at the matter from a general point of view, it would seem that the most natural thing to take measures to follow after — but all sane persons have a very strong feeling against such a course, and although we can only dimly guess its consequences, I am so firmly convinced of its wrongness that I am sure I should never take such a step while in my right mind.

After all, the more one thinks, the more one sees every reason to hope and indeed believe that the present separation is only temporary. I am sure you will agree as to this! The outlook in every way should make one cheerful, but it is impossible to be so philosophical as to ignore the present, which is hard enough.

People of your mental strength probably do not altogether realise the anoemia (if one may so call it) which attacks the minds of some others — just as those of great bodily energy do not understand what it is to be in poor health. My wife was always a sort of mental and moral crutch, and were it not that the memory of what she has been, and the hope of what she will be still serves in this respect, I should certainly come to the ground.

I find so few people seem to have any clear notions about immortality. To me, it seems simple axiomatic, just like the inifinty of time & space — although in [2] each case the conception eludes our mental capacity. I, my ego, or consciousness, are not a kind of force, matter, or what not. If anything, these things are a kind of me — for my own existence is axiomatic to their existence. [word illeg. crossed-out] If I do not exist, I have no evidence that they do — which is absurd enough.

Why then do people talk about proving immortality? How can you prove immortality — the thing is ridiculous. You might just as well talk of measuring the limits of space. I actually went so far as to write to "Nature" about this; and I told them to send to send the MS to you if it was not printed. I wish they would print it, but cannot expect they will.

I am still undecided how much to believe of the spiritualistic phenomena — and especially, what interpretation to put upon them. I do not feel much inclined to work at the subject, at least at the present, as I am quite unequal to the task of discriminating between the genuine and the false.

I have been meaning ever since I came to send you some plants when possible; but nothing from Las Cruces would be of any use, and I have not yet been to the Organ M[oun]t[(ai]ns (which are quite close, however). I have enough holiday in the summer to come to England.

I am not let altogether alone, for I have a little son — born Sept[ember]. 9^th.. He is well up to the present — but I am dreadfully afraid some harm will befall him. My sister, who was in Colorado, is keeping house for me.

I have not seen the "Fortnightlys" with your articles, but will try to get hold of them. It is generally easy to get such things here.

Yours always truly. | Theo. D. A. Cockerell [signature] ²