WCP278

Parkstone, Dorset.

Nov^r. 27th. 1896

My dear Violet¹

If you had letters almost every day about Darwinism, Spiritualism, Vaccination, Socialism, Travelling, Dogs tails, Cats-whiskers, Glaciers, Orchids, &c. — & had books sent you on all these subjects to acknowledge & read, & requests for information on other subjects, & other subjects, and other subjects — and a book to write, and a garden to attend to, & 4 orchid houses, and chess to play, & visitors to see, & calls to make, and plants to name, — and — and, and, and, &c. &c. &c. &c. &c. perhaps you would be a "miserable" [2] letter-writer too! Perhaps also, not! Yesterday, for instance, I had a long letter from Percy Burrell,² who is going next week to manage a Lime juice manufactory in Montserrat (W. Indies — in case your geography is weak) & to cure the "blight" that is destroying the trees, — & of course he writes to me, to tell him how to destroy the "blight", and I write him 4 pages of wise advice! How to find out what the blight is, what causes it, how to cure it, &c. &c. &c. about all of which things I know nothing — except general principles, & these go a long way with the ignorant. [3] Then we have had a double gas bill on account of a leak; & had Seller’s man three times to find it, & 2 times he said there was no leak, except in the water; & then the gas company put a new meter, & told us the leak was as bad as ever, and at last the leak was discovered, in the roof where no leak ought to be. Then we have tried a new patent "Incandescent Fire Mantel," warranted to give double the heat with half the coal or coke, & got it fixed in the Drawing Room with the result that the fire burns rather worse than before! Such are the vanities of human expectations! [4] And then you say I am a miserable correspondent! And then, yesterday, Professor Poultons³ [sic] writes begging me on his knees — (metaphorically) — to promise to go to Oxford next year, to make a speech on the putting up of a statue⁴ to Darwin! And to him also I have to write, a kind, careful, but positive refusal, — requiring much thought, & an additional gray hair or two to my already totally gray head! And still I am a miserable sinner — no — correspondent!

Now its your turn to write a firm demand for an increase of salary, showing your Governors & Directors that you will stand no nonsense, you must shed tears — also metaphorically.

Your affectionate, much abused Pa | A.R.Wallace [signature]